Trying to Fill the Hole in our Hearts

   This little girl is helping us fill the huge hole left in our hearts and our lives by the loss of our sweet Abby.  After a failed attempt to find a cat at the Humane Society in Bellevue, we came home empty-handed.  I called Petco to see if just maybe the little orange and white kitten I had seen the day before was still there, even though she had been on hold.  Surprise!  She was still there and her name was Libby!  It seemed like she was meant to be ours.  They agreed to hold her until the next morning for us, since we were headed to a wedding that night.
   So on Sunday morning, October 9th, Dustin, Jenna and I headed to Petco to pick up our new baby.  The minute we held her she began to purr wildly, and we fell in love.  She is only three months old, and just the most loving kitten I have ever met.  She loves everyone and purrs almost constantly.  I feel as though God sent her to us to ease our pain.  While we still love and miss Abby terribly, the vacuum she left is now filled with the pitterpatter of little kitten feet, and a soft, warm, purring body in our laps.

  Even Kirk ("no more cats") is smitten with her.  That first night, she cuddled up on his lap, and he smiled through tears, announcing her "perfect".  And Libby does seem to be the perfect blend of playfulness and affection.  She plays hard, making us laugh at her crazy antics, then crashes, and sleeps sweetly in our arms. 

   I bought her a cat bed/house and she loves to bathe and sleep on top of it.  Sometimes she will get inside and hang out to play with her scratching post toy.

  She loves her pink feather ball on a "fishing pole" and her laser chaser.  She will race after the laser dot until she is panting and her little heart is just racing, then crash on her bed to recharge.
   We all are just crazy about her and so thankful to have another little girl to love.  Abby will always have a place in our hearts, but there is room in there for Libby too.

Good Bye Sweet Abby

  These pictures were taken 8-21-2011, when we thought Abby wouldn't be with us much longer, due to kidney failure.  But she stayed with us for another month, time we cherished.  They were bittersweet days of loving her, knowing our time left together was short. Now it all seems too short.  The seven years went so fast.  It wasn't long enough, but I am thankful God gave us the gift of Abby even if it was only for a while.  I just can't figure out how to say goodbye...
    She left us on Saturday, September 23rd, 2011, slipping away peacefully as Dustin and I held her.  She had let us know she had had enough.  Enough of the seizures, enough of the pain, she was done.  It was time for us to do the right thing for her and give her back to God.  But it was the hardest thing I have ever done.  I petted her soft yellow head and whispered that I loved her as she left us.  Did she hear me, did she know how very special she was to us, how much we adored her?
    Now I look for her everywhere; by her food dishes, in the splash of sunshine on the stairs, on the soft blanket by the window where she loved to sleep.  Sometimes I forget, and I talk to her, or open the door for her to come upstairs, but she's not there.  And then I remember, and the pain washes over me again.
  Today I got out some chicken for a sandwich and saw the piece that I tore when I gave her some bites on Saturday, the last bites she ate.  And the pain comes again.  Waves and waves of sorrow that feel unbearable.  I can't believe I have any tears left, but they are endless.
    Abby, I want you back.  I want to hold you and feel your soft purr as I stroke your sweet little body.  I want to brush you with the cat brush you loved so much.  I want to see your little paws under the bathroom door as you insist on being with me, even when I would like privacy.  I will let you in, like always, and pet you as you rub my legs.  I want to spoon with you in the flannel sheets, even though it takes you forever to settle down because you have to drink from my water first. And I will never get mad if you tip it over. I want to share my chicken with you.  I want to share my life with you.  I will always share my love with you.  Thank you for loving me Abby. 
   Sleep well, sweet girl, and be ready to play when I get there.  I will bring your favorite toy.
 

Where Have I Been?

   Well, maybe I shouldn't have asked God to bring on the challenges that help us grow, because He must have thought, "Okay, you asked for it....".  2011 has brought us some major glitches in how we thought our life was "supposed" to go. 
   The first one hit us right away, in January, when Shauna and Noah separated.  It is very hard to see your daughter heartbroken.  Perhaps God had prepared me for this so many years ago, because I knew very well the pain she was feeling.  That's the thing about going through tough times.  They give you compassion and insight into other's pain.  As we walked with Shauna through those first really difficult weeks, we said a lot of prayer. 
    So often, things have to get worse before they get better, and it seemed to just keep getting worse.  Divorce papers were filed, police were involved, restraining orders were obtained, court appearances made.  So much ugliness and stress and sadness and grief.  I may have shed nearly as many tears as Shauna did.  And I just wished I could make it different for the boys.  I grieved (and am still grieving) that they will not grow up in a household with both of their parents.  I grieved for their sadness, and the inability of their little brains to understand what was happening and why their world had been turned upside down. I prayed that all the adults in the boys' lives could just put the boys needs first and foremost.  If we could all just do that, I think they will be okay.
    They seem to be used to the arrangement now.  They know that Sundays and Mondays are "Daddy Days" and saying goodbye to Daddy isn't as hard as it was in the beginning, because they know they will see him again soon. Time is a great healer.
   We hope the divorce, the legal portion, will be over soon and everyone can move on to find happiness.  I don't have any experience with divorce (thank you Lord), but I am learning as we continue to walk alongside Shauna and the boys.  I continue to pray for God's guidance and wisdom for each step of the way.  And that hearts will be healed, and forgiveness and GRACE will prevail. 
   Grace was the word I chose for 2011.  The word that I wanted to guide my actions this year. The word I wanted God to teach me about.  I didn't do so well in the beginning, but I am starting to get it Lord.

Happy 2011!

   Wow that is the first time I have written 2011.  Seems like just yesterday we were getting used to 2000, and now it's another new decade!  This last year has just gone by so quickly.  They seem to go faster and faster the older we get! 

   2010 was the year of all the baby's Firsts.  All those first holidays, as well as first teeth, first steps, first words.  Wow, so much growth and development going on!  All four of the boys are so sweet and lovable and it is such a joy and a blessing to watch them grow.  When they are all here, it is noisy, chaotic, and wonderfully exhausting.  Here they all are on December 18th, when we had our "French Christmas."
    Trying to get them all in the same picture is difficult, but not impossible.  Getting them all looking the same direction involves several people behind the camera, all jumping around and yelling, which would be a funny picture in itself.  Getting them all looking the same direction, and smiling too, IS impossible.  We settle for all within the frame of the same picture. 
    The sequence of all the pictures is hysterical.  I have many series of shots that just crack me up.  Someday we should make a video of our photo shoots.  It would be great laughs down the road.
    So what will the New Year bring?  I am looking forward to sharing another year with the family I love.  Do I have any goals?  Why yes, I do. 
1.  Finally lose that 30 lbs I need to shed.
2.  Eat healthier (lots of fruits and veggies every day!)
3.  Get in the best shape of my life for my 55th birthday (exercise program!)
4.  Organize, declutter and simplify in all areas of my life
5.  Thank God every day for the blessings of my life
    These are mostly external goals, but I want to change on the inside too. I want God to continue to shape and mold me into the person He wants me to be. That is often painful, but I welcome it. 
  [ Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.    James 1:2]
   So come on 2011, I am ready for you!  The good stuff, the bad stuff, and everything in between. 
   [I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Philippians 4:13]
   And don't let me forget that!

Breakfast with Santa, a Yearly Tradition

    December 11th was our yearly Breakfast with Santa, put on by the Auburn Parks and Rec Dept.  We have been going for years with the older kids, then took Jenna and Dustin for many years, and last year took our grandsons for the first time.  This year, my parents took us and three of the grandsons again, and Matt, Kelly and Shauna, too. 

    Keegan chowed down just about every bite of his adult-sized breakfast, but wasn't too thrilled to see Santa come around.  Cooper didn't eat much, but loved Santa and the squirrel mascot.

   Caleb was adorable and happy, and took it all in.

   After breakfast and the entertainment, we tried to get pictures on Santa's lap.  Cooper adored Santa, Caleb and Keegan, well, not so much...

I think this picture is just priceless!

   The boys were happier to pose with the Great-Grandparents than with Santa.

And Caleb always loves Gramma and Grandpa!

Caleb didn't mind the squirrel too much, as long as he was safe in Daddy's arms.  All in all, we had a fun time, and I'm sure we'll be back next year!

Thankful...

   Yes, I know Thanksgiving 2010 has passed, and that I'm six months (yikes!) behind on my blog, but I just have to thank God today.  When I started on my brain tumor journey, I promised Him that if I survived, I would give all the glory to Him, and I need to keep my promise.
   Yesterday was my two year check up at Swedish.  First I had an echocardiogram and saw Dr. Dewhurst.  What a kind man he is, and he had only good news for us.  My heart continues to function at low-normal, and I don't need another echo for two years.  I just need to go see him next year, which is a pleasure!
   Next was my MRI and visit with our angel, Dr. Sarah Jost.  Again, it was all good.  No sign of any regrowth of the tumor.  Have I mentioned we love Dr. Sarah?  She is the rare neurosurgeon who has both extreme surgical skill and genuine compassion and caring.  She loves to hear about our family, see pictures of the grandbabies, and she even brought up the crystal angel I gave her for her Christmas tree.  She said she still has the note I wrote her with the angel, and she can't wait to hang it on her tree.  She always gives me a hug when we leave.  I am so thankful God sent us to her!  She wasn't the surgeon we wanted, but God knew she was the one we needed, and as soon as we met her, we knew He was right.

The people I love most! August 2010

   So today I am thankful for my health and my life.  I can truly say that I LOVE my life.  I am so blessed to have a husband I love more with each passing year, children I love and am so proud of, and the cutest grandsons there could ever be.  I still have my parents to love and support me, as well as my Father in Heaven, who tenderly cares for my every need.  And I am SO thankful.....

June

   The big event in June was Jenna's graduation!  She got to walk with her class at the White River Amphitheater on June 8th, although she will go back for two more years to do the Transition Program.
We had a party for her on June 12th, and Megan came home with Casey.  We had a great BBQ and Open House!

On June 17th, we took the RV and headed to Lake Chelan, to join Kirk's mom and Julius, Kris and Donie, Kevin and Tonya and their friends for the weekend.  All our kids then joined us, with Matt and Megan and their families staying in a condo, and Shauna and her family in a tent on our site.  Our first camping trip with ALL the kids and grandkids!  And we got to celebrate our birthdays and Father's Day there.  Fun!

Keegan

Caleb and Keegan

Boy, did we have to bring a lot of baby equipment!  Highchairs, pack-n-plays, toys, baby food, you-name-it, we took it!  Our site looked like a daycare, lol. 

On Sunday, Father's Day, the girls cooked a wonderful breakfast at the condo for the fathers, with fresh fruit, French Toast and donuts, sausage and juice.  What a treat for Kirk to not be the cook! Then they all went swimming in the condo pool, except for Matt, who had a headache (maybe from the chaos?) and me, the photographer.

Casey had so much fun, that he fell asleep.

Keegan loved the water right away, and had a great time in his crabby float!

Cooper was not fond of the water at first, but once he got used to it, he was a wild child and had a ball!

Caleb was unsure at first, too, but then had a great time!

Our crazy clan on Father's Day! (minus Jenna and Dustin, who were in the hot tub by then!)

Where to Start? May

   So far behind again!  Dang, why do I do that?!  So I am gonna have to just hit the highlights of the last FOUR months.  Where does the time go?
   May 13 through 16th, Kirk and I got to go on the Sysco trip to Las Vegas, yay!  We love those fun Sysco trips, esecially since they are FREE!  We got to stay at the gorgeous Bellagio, and we thoroughly enjoyed the sunshine at the pool and seeing the sights, as well as the fun nights.

For Memorial Day weekend, we took our fifth wheel and headed to Tri-Cities to see Megan and Ryan's new house, and our darling grandson, of course!  We hiked Badger Mountain together, swam and just enjoyed spending some time together.  Dustin and I stayed at the house with Casey one night, so Megan and Ryan could go celebrate their second wedding anniversary.  Their house is wonderful and so is Casey!

Prom Night

   Jenna's Senior Prom was last Saturday night, April 24, 2010.  The boys went out of town fishing, so Jenna and I had a girls' day, starting with me giving her a pedicure (not an easy task when you're working with a moving target!).  At noon she had a hair appointment, then we rushed to a manicure appointment.  When we got home, Kelly came over with her bags of makeup and gave her a great makeover.  After dinner, we helped her into her dress and jewelry, and she looked beautiful!  I just got a new Canon Rebel XSi digital camera, so it was time for me to try it out! 

I was very pleased with how well the pictures turned out, and so was Jenna.  She liked them so much that she wants to pick one to send out with her graduation announcements, instead of the senior pictures she had taken last spring.  I think she felt like a princess!  She had a fun time at the prom, and will also be going to the Companionship Prom tomorrow night, but this time with a little less fanfare (no hair appt or professional manicure).

The Grandbunnies!

Are those some cute little bunnies?  Yes, indeed!  That's Keegan, Casey and Caleb, my new crop of grandbunnies!  Megan brought Casey over the mountains and through the snow (yes, snow!) to Gramma's house to spend his First Easter with his cousins.  And they were quite interested in him this time!

It is so cute to see the babies getting so curious about each other!

We had a great weekend, that included an Easter Egg Hunt at our neighbor Paul's house (the 5 acres behind us), 

and one in our front yard, just for Cooper.

  The only photos I got of Cooper are action shots because, like a typical two, he is always in action!  He would not pose with the other cousins, so we couldn't get a shot of all four.  He did have a great time at both egg hunts, and got lots of eggs filled with goodies.  In fact, he ate so much candy, he then threw it all up!  TMI?  But it is one of those memories we will want to laugh about someday.  Actually, we laughed about it this year!  That's what I love about our family.  We love to laugh!  We seem to be able to find humor in just about any situation, and it's great!  We played a game that Shauna and Noah brought over on Friday night and we all laughed until we were in tears.  It was so much fun! 

  On Saturday night, after all the egg hunting, we had a fiesta!  Dad made his famous chicken enchiladas (Yummo!) and carne asada and guacamole.  Delicious!

    On Sunday morning, Kirk, Jenna and I went to church, then joined the rest of the family at the Quarter Chute for brunch.  There were some cute little bunnies there!

My Little Irish Sweethearts

   Yes, they are about as cute as they come!  Caleb is definitely a McCutie!  I was lucky enough to get to have him all day on his First St. Patrick's Day!

And the next day I had this little cutie!  Keegan Jameson is quite an Irish name!  I had Cooper too, but he is not big on photos now that he is two.  And he is often VERY two these days!

Valentine's Day!

I know I am very slow to post this, but better late than never, right? On this, the Babies' First Valentine's Day, I didn't get to see Casey (although his mom texted me a sweet picture of him in a red sweater vest!), but I did get to be with Caleb and Keegan, and Cooper too. We met my parents, the Heberts, and Matt, Kelly and Caleb at the Quarterchute for a Valentine's breakfast. 

The babies are always very interested in each other!

     Cooper enjoyed his presents and his strawberry waffle (yum!)

He also loved the racehorses!

He even got to pet one!

Caleb really liked the horses too.

Keegan liked sleeping in Gramma's arms (which was okay with me!)

And, of course, I also loved spending the day with my first Valentine!  These are the beautiful roses he sent me!  Am I lucky, or what?

I have got so many men in my life to love:  the best husband on earth, two wonderful sons, two great son-in-laws, and now four grandsons!  Wow, how did I get so blessed?

Goodbye Sweet Tobie

  This was one of our family pics taken on Jan 30th, 2009, but I didn't know it would be my last picture of Tobie.  He continued to deteriorate after they went home, and on Feb 13th I got this text from Megan: "We said goodbye to tobie this morning.  He is at the rainbow bridge with rylie.  I hope they are getting along this time."  I cried most of the day.

   Tobie was almost 14 years old.  I took Megan to pick him out at a dog show at the Pierce County Fairgrounds when he was just a tiny puppy.  He has been a part of our family ever since, splitting his time between our house and Megan's.  He often drove me crazy, like when he would herd Jenna when she was little and accidentally cause her to fall down, or the many, many times I had to clean up his barf, or his poop off the kids shoes. 

   But he was such a sweet boy and I loved him dearly.  I loved the way he loved to play with Dustin when they were younger, romping together in the backyard.  I loved the way he herded the ball around the back yard, even throwing it up in the air with his nose (he was very talented!).  I loved the way he knew when the schoolbus was coming, watching for it down Edwards Road, then would run to the door, so excited to greet the kids.  I loved the way he loved to BBQ with Kirk (Kirk was always a sucker for that freckle face), waiting patiently for a little morsel of meat.  I loved it when we caught him spooning with Abby on Jenna's bed.

      There was much to love about Tobie.  But most of all, I loved the way he was totally devoted to my daughter.  He loved all of us, but Megan was always his first love.  And anyone who loves my daughter that much is okay in my book, no matter what trouble he may get into.

     I will miss you Tobie.  It will never be quite the same without you, but I will carry you in my heart always.

Megan's Visit

   January was a fun month because Megan and Casey came to visit on Wednesday, Jan. 27th!  Casey got his first airplane ride at only two months, and he was a perfect passenger, slept the whole way!  Kelly, Caleb and I picked them up at the airport, then hit Babies R Us, then Applebee's for lunch.  Caleb and Casey were very well behaved at the restaurant, although there were some worried looking customers when we arrived.  Caleb did throw a toy at some businessmen, but luckily it did not land in their food! 
   On Thursday, Grandma De De came up and we had all the boys at my house for the day.  Four adults, four kids, but still I think the kids were in charge!  We had a great Oriental Chicken Salad for us girls, mostly breastmilk for the boys, lol, except Cooper.
    On Friday, Megan, Kelly and I, with Caleb and Casey, went to the Supermall.  The Carter's Outlet is a fave for all, so we spent lots of time and $$ there.  Then we went and took Shauna to lunch at Subway.  Again, the babies were great and we got to have a fun girl's lunch out.
   Friday night, Ryan arrived from Tri-Cities with Tobie, and we had dinner at our house with all the kids and grandkids.  Woohoo!
   Saturday morning, Shauna's photographer friend, Tonya arrived to take family pictures.  The house was complete chaos with everyone trying to get ready.  But Tonya did a great job and it was actually really fun.  And we were VERY happy with the results!  We got over 200 pictures!

And finally a picture of Kirk and I with all our grandsons!

We had a ball getting all the pictures, and we will treasure them forever, along with the memories of how funny it was to try to get them!  That evening, after the big boys went to the Sportsmen's Show, Grandma and Grandpa Porter came up and we had a prime rib dinner to celebrate Shauna's birthday.  And we had not one, but two birthday cakes!  Yay, cake!

   Megan and Ryan headed home on Sunday with a sick Tobie-dog, who was not eating.  I told him goodbye and gave him a love, but later I wished I had given him a hug, because I would not get to see him again.