Good Bye Sweet Abby

  These pictures were taken 8-21-2011, when we thought Abby wouldn't be with us much longer, due to kidney failure.  But she stayed with us for another month, time we cherished.  They were bittersweet days of loving her, knowing our time left together was short. Now it all seems too short.  The seven years went so fast.  It wasn't long enough, but I am thankful God gave us the gift of Abby even if it was only for a while.  I just can't figure out how to say goodbye...
    She left us on Saturday, September 23rd, 2011, slipping away peacefully as Dustin and I held her.  She had let us know she had had enough.  Enough of the seizures, enough of the pain, she was done.  It was time for us to do the right thing for her and give her back to God.  But it was the hardest thing I have ever done.  I petted her soft yellow head and whispered that I loved her as she left us.  Did she hear me, did she know how very special she was to us, how much we adored her?
    Now I look for her everywhere; by her food dishes, in the splash of sunshine on the stairs, on the soft blanket by the window where she loved to sleep.  Sometimes I forget, and I talk to her, or open the door for her to come upstairs, but she's not there.  And then I remember, and the pain washes over me again.
  Today I got out some chicken for a sandwich and saw the piece that I tore when I gave her some bites on Saturday, the last bites she ate.  And the pain comes again.  Waves and waves of sorrow that feel unbearable.  I can't believe I have any tears left, but they are endless.
    Abby, I want you back.  I want to hold you and feel your soft purr as I stroke your sweet little body.  I want to brush you with the cat brush you loved so much.  I want to see your little paws under the bathroom door as you insist on being with me, even when I would like privacy.  I will let you in, like always, and pet you as you rub my legs.  I want to spoon with you in the flannel sheets, even though it takes you forever to settle down because you have to drink from my water first. And I will never get mad if you tip it over. I want to share my chicken with you.  I want to share my life with you.  I will always share my love with you.  Thank you for loving me Abby. 
   Sleep well, sweet girl, and be ready to play when I get there.  I will bring your favorite toy.